


I can't lose you

by kjavdekar



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Adorable, Aftermath, Angst, Cell Phones, Connor Deserves Happiness, Fluffy Ending, Kissing, Love, M/M, Makeup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8355454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjavdekar/pseuds/kjavdekar
Summary: The aftermath of Connor not answering his phone call.





	

As soon as Oliver heard the news about Laurel he picked up his phone to call Connor.

“Pick up. Please pick, please pick up, please pick up, please pick up.”

‘Voicemail: this is connor, you should text me.’

_Dammit Connor. You are always attached to your phone, more often slightly to the point of annoyance, but the one time I need to hear your voice you don’t answer. Where the hell are you?_

He ends the call only to call again…

“Connor pick up. Please. Pick up”

Michaela: “He’s not here Oliver”

“Are you sure?”

“Yea why? What’s wrong?”

“Didn’t you hear?”

“Here what?”

“Annalise’s house burned down. It’s all over the news.They arrested her, and Laurel was in the house but they found her...she’s pregnant Michaela. Didn’t she tell you?”

“No she...Hello? Oliver? Hello!?”

Oliver’s face had turned to the T.V. in the waiting room and his whole body froze. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t blink, he couldn’t even move. All he saw was ‘Unidentified male dead in house fire’. His heart sank into his stomach and he felt sick. He felt the blood rush to his face and thoughts of Connor filled his mind. Connor’s voice, the way he said his name, the last time he saw him smile, the beat of his heart when they made love, but nothing allowed him to stop crying. Tears flooded his eyes as he began to panic and the phone went crashing to the floor.

_OMG. OMG. What if it’s Connor? What if the last time he saw him was the last time. What if he never gets a chance to say how sorry he was for hurting him. For breaking up with him because he was too scared, that he thought he wasn’t good enough. That he felt Connor could do better, and afraid of the way he felt about him. How afraid he was that he was so incredibly, deeply, unfailingly in love with Connor, that he would do ANYTHING for him. How it hurt to be near him and be his ‘friend’ when all he wanted to do was take him back and hold him till he fell apart. But now. Now he might never get that chance..._

Seconds later he realized the phone had fallen…

“Hey. Sorry Michaela, I’m just so worried right now. They said there is an 'unidentified male dead in the house' and Connor left his phone, and I don't know where he could be. Omg. Do you think? What if it’s- if it’s...I can’t …

“Oliver calm down, I’m sure he’s fine okay? My mom was sitting on his phone, so he probably didn't hear it vibrate."

"But they said male-Mic I"

"Oliver, Connor needs you to stay calm right now. Panicking isn't going to help. Can you stay calm? Can you do that for him?"

"I-I can try-I just...

"Look why don’t you come over and we will talk about it”

Oliver felt a little better at the thought of that. “Okay I’ll be right over”

He hung up the phone and yanked his keys out of his pocket desperate to get in the car. He tried to calm himself down before driving off but he drove like a mad man in between lights. The detours were giving him a headache and all he wanted to do was get to Michaela’s and find Connor. Oliver parked on the street nearly tripping as he walked at a brisk pace trying to make it seem like he was fine. _Which clearly he couldn't be._  But he rang the doorbell and waited nearly biting off the cuticles on his fingers.

Hey. She greeted calmly as she gave him a hug, but Oliver fell apart. Michaela held him and brought him to the couch and ran to grab some tissues. “Shh it’s okay Oliver, everything will be fine”

“Michaela I don’t know what I’m going to do if it’s him. I'm such an idiot for breaking up with him. I love him so much, how could I be so stupid? Why did I push him away?...

"We all do stupid things in the name of love Oliver, it's okay. Shhh...."

But what if I never get to tell him, what if he's...I can’t even think about it, it’s too much to take in Michaela, he’s my everything-it’s …"

But just as he was about to finish his thought Connor walked in with what smelled like Thai food singing to “Find my way back” blaring through his headphones. He closed the door behind him and turned to the living room but his take out dropped to the floor and his pulse quickened when he saw Oliver sitting on the couch in tears.

“Oliver?” His brows furrowed. “What are you doing here? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Oliver had never felt his heart speed up and slow down so fast in his life. Relief flooded over him but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. All he could do was sit there and cry. Cry at how things had been between them for the last few weeks. How he had hurt Connor and all he wanted to do was apologize till he was blue in the face and had convinced him to take him back. “Depends on what you mean by okay”

Michaela gave his leg a quick squeeze and whispered ‘I told you so’ as she left the room.

Oliver purses his lips into a sweet smile of relief and thankfulness.

Connor nearly bolted to the couch and sat down. “Ollie? Ollie, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

Oliver launched onto Connor and didn't let go. He couldn’t let go. Every emotion from the last hour melted into Connor’s embrace. “I-I thought you were dead Con. I thought I would never see you again-I-I’m so sorry…”

Connor slowly tightened his arms around Oliver. He had no idea what he was talking about but he knew Ollie needed this. “I’m fine Olls. What do you mean dead?”

Oliver couldn’t stop crying but managed to get out in between sobs “Annalise’s-house-they said-someone was dead-a male was dead-and-answer your phone…I was so scared I lost you- I”

Connor pushed away gently “I couldn’t find my phone and I was hungry. I’m sorry I just went to go get food. I didn’t mean to scare you.” he answered bluntly

Oliver pushed away sensing his tone and felt he needed to explain. “Look Connor-I-I know you must hate me right now, and that you probably don’t think we’re friends but I need to say this. That night when you told me you needed me and you would do anything to make me happy. I wanted to. I wanted to let you make me so happy like you always do. So much that it hurt. I wanted to let you in but I-I got scared, and I'm so sorry for pushing you away Con...I"

Connor seemed confused “Um…okay. But I’m not upset about that anymore Olls, and I could never hate you. I get why you did it, you needed to find yourself-you needed to know if you wanted this-If you wanted me" he swallows painfully

“No Connor, that’s not why I did it.”

Connor looked up “But you said…”

“I know what I said and I was lying. Like I have been to myself these last few weeks."

"Ollie, I don't quite understand..."

"This last hour has been the worst of my life. Thinking you were dead and that I’d never get to see you again. I want you to know that when I found out that there was a body in the house all I wanted was you. To see you, touch you, and kiss you. I need you Connor. I need you more than I need air, I can’t lose you-I would just…

Connor’s face went so pain stricken all the blood rushed to his face. “You’re not going to lose me Ollie. I’m here and we are friends...nothing happened baby, I’m okay. We're okay” he whispered gently rubbing his thigh.

“Con I-I broke up with you because the night when you forgave me so easily after I did such a horrible thing I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like who I was becoming. Someone that lies to the person they love for selfish reasons. What kind of person did that make me? I thought you deserved better. You deserved someone that would move anywhere with you and I couldn’t be that person. I was too selfish. I couldn’t see past the love I have for you. And I thought giving you space to find someone better would help but all I did was regret it. Every day. Not a day went by that I didn't want you. It hurt knowing that I would never have this kind of love again-your love again. It hurt too much. You’re a part of me Connor, one of the best parts of me, and I...I love you-I love you so much.

Connor’s eyes began to swell as he took Oliver’s face in his hands and pressed his lips up against his. “I never wanted anyone else Ollie. I still don’t. This break up was about you. Okay, yea I didn’t like that you deleted the email but I understood why you did it. But you were so sure you needed this break up that I didn't fight it. I love you Ollie, more today than yesterday and I would do anything to make you happy. Even if that meant me being unhappy….

Oliver didn't know what to say. After the weeks that passed he was sure Connor had moved on emotionally. His Humper app sure made it seem like he was doing well. But maybe just maybe a part of him still needed him. He reached over and squeezed his hand...

“You’re my happiness Connor. You always have been. That was never the issue...I just-I never want us to be selfish in this relationship. Not if we want it to work. I can’t be deleting emails behind your back because I’m afraid of losing you, and I need you to promise you won’t keep secrets from me either.”

Connor looked up into Oliver’s eyes. “What secrets?” he whispered trying to play dumb.

“Like why you would go to jail” he answered softly too shy to look up

“Ollie?”

“I know Connor. I know about Sam. I’ve known since I hacked Annalise.”

“Oh,I-I wanted to tell you I did. I just didn’t want you to know anything to protect you.”

“I get that. I do. I just erased Annalise’s phone without knowing what was on it.”

“You did what?” he growled

Oliver rolled his eyes and continued “But if we are going to do this then I need your word that you will tell me everything. Whatever your issues are, they’re mine too. Protecting me means letting me know so I can protect you. Even the stuff that you think will scare me away.” he smirked

“Has it?” he asked looking up from beneath his lashes

“What?”

“Scared you away?” he mumbled

Oliver took in a deep breath. “To be honest when I first found out I freaked.”

Connor waited eagerly "But now?"

“Not because I thought you killed someone. But because of what I was willing to do to protect you from getting caught.”

“Oh?”

“Yea. I mean I’ve already done so much illegal shit that I’ll probably be going to jail with you but I just need you to know that I’m in this. All of this. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because in the end I’m protecting a part of myself too.”

Connor smiled and leaned in to kiss him letting out a sweet moan. Oliver kissed back biting at his lower lip that made Connor whimper like a puppy. “God I’ve missed kissing you”

“Oh yea?” Oliver smirked “Is that all ?” he kissed back

“Mmm, why don’t we go back to your apartment and I’ll show you just which parts of you I’ve missed” he teased kissing the nape of Oliver's neck and nipping at his ear.

" _Our_ apartment" Ollie mumbled 

“You mean that?”

Oliver nodded “I’ve never meant anything more in my life.” 

Connor leaned in to steal a kiss and whispered against his lips “I love you Oliver Hampton. With all my heart, I do”

“And I love you Connor Walsh. More than you know”


End file.
